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Why Mages Are Winsauce

March 6, 2010

Upon further investigations, Shattrath City does seem to have random fire. More at 11!

Before I start teaching you of the wonderful world of Mages (and Holy/Disc Priests!) I figure we should realize why Mages are “the shit”!

Reason #1: We turn you into creampuffs- What class in the game can turn something as ugly as a Nelf or as burly as an Orc into some cute little animal? Shamans, but they turn you into frogs which is just plain lame. We however are able to turn you into a Sheep, Turtle, or my favorite, the PENGUIN! Seriously, you get to waddle around as we kill your comrades. Sure, you’re probably next, but for the next few seconds of your life you look ADORIBLE!

Reason #2: We’re ninjas- Most of us are not the kind that steal your loot. We are however, the kind that sneak behind you, gut you in your sleep, and run away with the honor your provide us. We’re like Rogues except we throw balls of elements and purple shit at you! In all honesty, we’re pretty bad ass with our invisibility and our blink. Think of it as us sneaking up on you, or appearing right in front of you and giving you a hell of a hug.

Except you may catch a cold or have severe burns after the hug. We need to make some disclaimers…

Reason #3: We ARE the Kitchen- You people have to level your cooking or spend hard-earned cash on sustenance. We however, can simply take some purple dust and serve a raid full of people. One would think that the dust is dehydrated Mana Strudel, but it in fact is not for we use the same stuff to grant you a raid-wide intellect buff. So we literally are taking concentrated purple stuff and making it into edible baked goods.

If I put it like that it sounds a hell of a lot more bad ass than wimpy, mostly because it is MANLY to make baked goods!

Reason #4: Who needs a taxi when you’ve got the time-space continuum?- Engineers have figured out how to randomly teleport throughout Northrend. We however have known for YEARS how to pinpoint through the nether into places of importance and even take people with us. This is all while using little rocks, not countless amounts of expensive technology or people’s SOULS! We’re eco-friendly, and if you’re saying that’s girly then sir you may go jump into a ditch filled with fire. Because when the world gets blown up, you’d have WISHED you’d have been a little bit more resourceful like us.

We’re just playing the waiting game.

Reason #5: We have MANY pop-culture referencing abilities!- I’m a sucker for macros, but especially the kind that you say something witty as you cast a spell. Mages are absolutely no exception to this, and I would go so far as to say that they have the most out of all the classes! Want some examples?

  • Mirror Image- There’s two things I thought of, first was a Spongebob  reference saying “I can make a MILLION of me!”. However, I went with the classier Captain Planet call out! “Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Heart! By your powers combined I am [insert name here]!”
  • Mana Strudel- This one is fairly obvious, “I’M CONJURING MANA STRUDEL AARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!” is the only valid reference for this move. Seriously.
  • Portals/Teleport- Team Fortress 2’s Engineer should make a regular appearance for any Mage. “Teleporter goin’ up!” is a staple in any person’s life.
  • Mage Table- However, if you want to be slightly less annoying, and a bit more hilarious go for the Engineer’s “Buildin’ a Dispenser here!” for your Mage Table.

Obviously we are not constricted to solely that, but those are just a few examples of what I’ve done to spread the joy of Mages around my server/battlegroup. It’s definitely chuckle-worthy at the least!

[Advert] Can your Class pull off this much greatness? Doubtful! However, tune in this week to learn how YOU can become this god-damn awesome on YOUR Mage. Here at the New Plagued Candles! [/Advert]

Happy WoWing!
-Crando

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. GnomeOnTheRange permalink
    March 6, 2010 2:31 PM

    Q: What is the difference between a warlock and a mage?
    A: Mages actually passed magic school

    Q: What’s the difference between a mage and a shadow priest?
    A: Mages grew up and don’t go all emo on the raid.

    Q: What’s the difference between a mage and a shaman?
    A: Mages give a hoot and don’t pollute.

    Q: What’s the difference between a mage and a rogue?
    A: People actually like mages.

    Q: What’s the difference between a mage and a hunter?
    A: You never hear the tank go on a raging rant because of pet’s growl.

  2. March 6, 2010 6:47 PM

    You want to know the real difference between a hunter and a mage?

    Our pets? They last forever. Mage pets don’t. And by pets, I mean…

    >:3

    • March 6, 2010 6:58 PM

      Frost Mage’s pets can last forever with a Glyph. Said glyph is foolish to get in PvP for it takes away the Frost Elemental’s Frost Novaish ability, but in PvE it is a staple to any good Frost Mage.

      So yes, ours CAN last forever as well.

      • March 8, 2010 4:50 PM

        I don’t need a pet, I have mirror images and that yummy 18% bonus damage buff when I use them with my 4pc T10. 😉

    • March 8, 2010 6:12 PM

      Damn your 4 set bonus! I JUST got my first piece last night! Luck of the draw VOA 10 run for the win!

      • March 9, 2010 9:43 AM

        Hehe. My DK has his 4 piece, too. Of course, he’s also still wearing that iLevel 200 cloak from regular ToC … >.>
        I’m saving badges for a cloak next, I swear!

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